When Album Covers Attack: Eric Carmen "Tonight You're Mine"

As I was cruising the bins at the local record store, I happened upon this gem from Eric Carmen. The cover seems to depict Mr. Carmen in the act of sodomizing, or, at the very least, dry humping what appears to be a Macy's department store mannequin. Who does he think he is, Andrew McCarthy?

When I showed it to my buddy, Ted, he said, "No, man, she's probably just drunk, puking her guts out, and he's just helping her out."

Uh, if that were the case, he'd be holding her hair back. That's what guys do when their lady has too many appletinis at Applebee's. Nah, judging by the sly way his free hand seems to be, uh, reaching for his, uh...this is no textbook Heimlich. Just look at the expression on his face. That's not a face you make when you're genuinely concerned about someone's safety.

Additionally, that red sticker isn't helping Eric's cause any First, you've got a shot of Eric Carmen trying to nonchalantly slide his sausage into Slot A, then you've got a sticker that says, in big letters, "It Hurts Too Much".

I know it was "the '80s" and that a lot of guys better known in the 60's were attempting to make names for themselves by trying to be "as new wave as the next guy", but this particular attempt is just unfortunate.

I can't help wonder about the creative process that led to this album cover being created.

Did Eric Carmen wake up one night in a cold, cold sweat, a vision having come to him almost fully formed? Did he then stumble to the nearest desk in hopes of writing it down before it vanished completely before falling back into bed? And did he then wake up the next morning, take a look at the hastily scribbled note on his night stand that read "me sodomizing Jerry Hall" and go "That's it! That's the album cover!"?

Did he then call up the art department at Arista Records and describe this idea to the art guys? Did they not hang up on him, thinking that it was either a crank call, or that this is always what happens when they answer the boss's phone when he's at lunch?

Nope, it appears that someone in the art department said, "Hey, yeah, that's an awesome idea. Let's get right on it." Next thing you know, there's Eric Carmen staring back at kids from the bins of every Musicland record store in every mall in America, essentially saying, "Howdy, you caught me right in the middle of something.  Buy my album."

To this day, if you ask Eric about this album, I'll bet the first words out of his mouth are, "Man, I can't believe this record didn't go platinum." Yeah, wow, what a shock.