Tom Petty For President!

The audience is filled with banners that read "Tom Petty For President". Upon seeing candidate Tom Petty approach the podium, the crowds erupts in ecstatic jubilation. Petty smiles, pauses a moment to soak it all in, and then begins:

"The reason I'm here today is because I want to be the one guy who says to big business and corrupt politicians 'Don't Do Me Like That'. I've always believed that 'even the losers get lucky sometimes' and that it's time they had somebody fight for them...not tomorrow, or next month, or next year, but today, because 'the wa-ai-ting is the hardest part'. Those who stand in my are in for the fight of their lives, America, because I, Tom Petty, WON'T BACK DOWN!"

The crowd goes insane as balloons and streamers drop from above.

I know, I know.. such a scene seems totally ludicrous because, well, Tom Petty is just a rock star. But those who've paid attention will remind you that this is a guy who went to court to get out of a bad contract. And WON. A year later, he told his record company that they were not going to use HIS album to introduce new higher prices. And WON again.

In the years since, he has become an American folk hero, with many of his songs elevated to that of unofficial national anthems. No, seriously. One song in particular, though, is so widely embraced that I am calling for a grass roots movement to make it the national anthem of this once-great country. That song, of course, is "Mary Jane's Last Dance".



Now, allow me to explain. I have been in a lot of places...rock clubs, pool halls, wine bistros, rib joints, pizza places, you name it...and I've played "Mary Jane's Last Dance" on the jukebox in all of them and the one thing I've witnessed without exception is the unifying force of this song.

I've seen rooms divided become united as one: bikers, jocks, and soccer moms forgetting their differences, dropping their guard, and singing along to every word.

That's why I nominate "Mary Jane's Last Dance" as the new American National Anthem. Oh, and while I'm at it, let me take this opportunity to remind you all that the Deluxe Edition of "Damn The Torpedoes" comes out tomorrow.