2010's Most Popular Concert Act Is...

At the end of every year, I always enjoy taking a look back at that year's most popular concert act. Upon doing so, I usually find myself dreadfully depressed and contemplating a long walk on a short pier in a pair of concrete Chucky T's. The only thing that keeps me going, of course, is the ridiculous hope that the next year can't possibly be any worse. Of course, every year, I end up being dead wrong. 2010 was no exception.

Why, you ask?

Allow me to answer your question with a question: What band would you guess was the top grossing concert act - not only in North America, but the whole freakin' world?

The correct answer, of course, is Bon Jovi.

No, I'm serious. Bon Jovi.

Never mind that the band is easily 20 years past their heyday and that even in their late 80's glory days they were never the top-selling concert act on the globe. Turns out making a country album that sounds exactly like all their other albums because country music these days is nothing more than regurgitated Bon Jovi-isms anyway is a great way to sell a shitload of concert tickets.

If you're anything like me, you're probably feeling a little nauseous right about now as the words "Bon Jovi: Highest Grossing Concert Act On Planet Earth" start to sink in. Heck, you didn't feel half this queasy when you ate that taco of questionable origin that you found underneath the front seat of your car last week.

Of course, the rest of the Top 10 highest grossing concert attractions of 2010 does little to kill the bad taste in your mouth. Sure, AC/DC comes in at #2, but they too are a good two decades past their prime. Heck, Brian Johnson's voice is little more than a squeak at this point...kinda like the sound a snake makes when you back over it with a dump truck. Still, you gotta hand it to the boys. They came in right behind Bon Jovi despite playing only half as many shows as the boys from New Jersey. Kinda makes you wish AC/DC could have found it in their hearts to play ten or more shows and, in doing so, knock Jon Bon down a peg. But nooooooooo.

U2 came in at #3 and would have easily topped the list if not for Bono's back troubles that led the band to scrap an entire chunk of their world tour.

Lady Gaga wormed her way to #4 with her version of Cirque De So Lame. I mean seriously, she has what, three whole songs to her name? Can you name four? Didn't think so.

Wrapping up the Top 5 is Metallica.

That's right...of the top five concert acts, four are bands from the 80's who haven't made a truly decent record in 20 years.

You know what this means, don't you? It means that the Black Eyed Peas, who came in at #11 on this year's list, can look forward to being the #1 concert act in the world come the year 2030.

I mean, if barely being able to stomach a band twenty years ago and thinking that if you just clench your teeth and barrel your way through the next twenty years, you'll finally be clear of these bozos and then finding out that you were dead fucking wrong to think such thoughts isn't reason enough to suddenly jerk your car into oncoming traffic, I dunno what is.