Open Letter To Tom Petty Upon Hearing The New Single "American Dream Plan B"!

Hi Tom!

Long-time listener, first-time caller. Hey, I just spun your new single "American Dream Plan B", from your upcoming album Hypnotic Eye, and I just wanted to offer a couple observations:

1. Call Stan Lynch. Now.

While I'm sure Steve Ferrone is a nice guy and whole lot easier to work with than the last guy, the truth of the matter is that he's always been a session guy and, as is the case with most session guys, he sounds like a session guy. I mean, was he even there for the sessions or did you just loop one of his previous boring-as-hell drum tracks from over the past fifteen years? What every Heartbreakers fan feels, but loves you too much to tell you for fear it'll hurt your feelings, is that Ferrone has never been a good fit for the Heartbreakers. Sure, he's perfect for the next time you and Lynne hole up in Bob Dylan's home studio to cut Full Moon Fever 2, but we die-hard Heartbreakers fans expect something a little more, you know, sexy when we hear a new song with te word "Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers" attached to it.

2. Listen to "Damn The Torpedoes" again. I'm begging you.

For a guy who is capable of writing absolutely jaw-dropping songs like "Even The Losers", "Refugee", and "Mary Jane's Last Dance", it literally pains me to hear you trotting out a song like "American Dream Part B" because, let's face it, if some new band without such an adoring fan base were to release the very same song, it would be met with a collective yawn and neither you nor Rolling Stone would be none the wiser. I know because I've recorded at least a handful of songs over the course of my hilariously unsuccessful music career and all I have to show for it is a garage full of unsold CD's.

I'm not trying to promote my own music as much as let you know that there are TONS of great songs out there that nobody knows about because they didn't have the good fortune of a major media conglomerate's promotional department.  While I love you like my own flesh and blood, you giving the world yet another piece of forgettable garbage is getting harder to swallow with each new album because there was a time when your talent was so monolithic that even MCA couldn't bury it.

Please, Tom, the next time you write a batch of songs, all I ask is that you listen to Damn The Torpedoes again and see if it doesn't lead you to hit the delete button and start all over again.  Now, I understand that you feel the need to have a new album to promote when you hit the road, or else you'd be just another nostalgia act making the rounds this summer, but neither this new song or your last album, Mojo, will be anything we'll be celebrating in another twenty years.  But the next song you record could be and that's my whole point for writing this letter.

Superior St. Rehearsal Facility

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