Struggling Musicians: Ten Reasons To Keep On Rockin'!

No, not "Ass gear", "Asgeir".

With the industry in a state of absolute shambles, one might be led to think that there's no future in being a musician anymore.  We at The Shit beg to differ.  The reason that we're musicians today is because we weren't born at the right time to be gunslingers in the Wild Wild West.

Thing is, because the music industry literally ceased to exist to all but the most prefabricated musical acts...the ones who can't leave the house without conveniently forgetting an article of clothing or punching a waitress at a Waffle House every time their new album is set to come out...it literally IS the Wild Wild West again.

In other words, there are no rules.  You're no longer too old, too ugly, or too whatever.  If you can dream it, now is the best time EVER to do it.  The Weirder the Better, though, because there are more people than ever vying for the same audience as you.

If you still need convincing to stick with it, we've compiled the following list of Ten Reasons To Keep On Rockin' and, per usual, they are in absolutely no order.

Sure, at least two of those gals have adam's apples, does it look like Bon Scott cares?

10. Where else are you going to come face-to-face with absolutely drop-dead gorgeous rocker babes?

I mean, who are we kidding?  You're a six at best.  You look ridiculous in anything but a t-shirt and jeans.  And you are NOT a morning person.  I mean, you are when you're still up from the night before, unless you've been drinking, which is the reason you're still up from the night before in the first place so...yeah, "hot rocker babes for $400, Alex!"

9. Where else do you get to create something that did not previously exist until you MADE IT?

Sure, the next thing you did was post a thirty second clip on your Soundcloud page directing folks to the P.O. box where folks can send $17.50 in PENNIES to procure a copy of your new single on 180 gram virgin farm-raised VINYL with laser-etched B-side (i.e., no music), thereby ensuring that only five people in the whole world will give enough of a shit to ever hear it BECAUSE YOU CAN! Come on, in what other line of work would that even be possible?  I mean, you could never pull that at your day gig, now, could you?

8. What other escape do you have from your soul-sucking job?

You had to stop watching "Joe Vs. The Volcano" the other night because the opening scene hit too close to home for you.  Your rehearsal space here at Superior St. isn't just a room, it's a safe haven from all the fucking bullshit you're forced to put up with the other 20 hours of every day.

You walk in every day literally covered in the shit of the world and as you strap on that guitar or sit down at that drum kit, you dust yourself off and start the unenviable task of reshaping all that useless, toxic bullshit into something beautiful and putting it back out in the world.

7. Where else do you get to, you know, strap one on and play with yourself in front of everybody?  Or make this kind of face?

If you don't recognize the phallic implications of the guitar, or the masturbatory implications of foisting your dreams and fantasies, much less your original compositions, upon the world, then we almost hate to be the ones to break it to you..

Debbie Harry of Blondie, but you knew that.

6. Where else could you get to play in a band with HER?!

There is no "i" in "team", or, for that matter "Lzzy Hale" of Halestorm.

5. Or her?

See a pattern here?  We thought so.

4. And let us not forget FREE BEER!

Over the years, we've known our fair share of rockers who have turned moping into an art form, but if you've ever seen one suddenly perk up at the sight of FREE DRINK TICKETS FOR THE BAND, then you've literally been witness to "making it".  All the blood, the sweat, the lugging of heavy equipment around the city in the middle of a snow storm, the break-up's, the make-up's, the auditions, the rehearsals, as of this moment, it has all been worth it.  Mind you, you still want more.  Much, much more, but for now....this will do.

3. Four words: Easy access to weed.

Seriously, this one's a no-brainer.  Keep in mind that we know at least one rocker who has a case for his guitar and a case for his bong, but you didn't hear that from us.

Arctic Monkeys' Alex Turner: "Yes, I have an all-access wristband and you don't!"

2. Get to wear those fancy "all-access" wrist bands at the rock show.

Let's face it, you might be the last band picked at Lollapalooza, stuck playing a fifteen minute set at the kiddie stage, but you still get to wear the same wrist bands as the headliners.  Don't fool yourself into thinking people don't notice it when you casually walk past security into the backstage area that is otherwise off-limits to them.  Holy crap, you just bumped into Gavin Stefani holding a diaper bag, this is so awesome!  And, yes, at least one hundred folks in the cheap seats saw you.

1. This next one isn't so much a reason as a story.

It goes like this: Struggling Musician is a big Radioplay (or was it Coldhead?) fan.  Knowing this, and also knowing that said band is headlining Lollapalooza this year, Dear Friend of Struggling Musician offers to buy him a ticket.  Struggling Musician says thanks for the kind offer, his band has rehearsal that night.

Six months later, Flaming Monkeys announce a surprise gig at a small club.  Knowing that Struggling Musician is a big fan, Dear Friend has the inside line on a couple of tickets and asks Struggling Musician if they'd like to go.  Struggling Musician says thanks for the kind offer, his band has a recording session that night.

Months go by, seasons come and go, and, upon hearing that one of the bands they and Struggling Musician grew up listening to - Dashboard Distortion - are headlining Lollapalooza this year, Dear Friend excitedly taps out an email to Struggling Musician asking if they want to go.

Struggling Musician replies thanks for the kind offer, his band has a gig that night.

"Awesome," replies Dear Friend! "Where?"

A few seconds later, Struggling Musician replies... "Lollapalooza! Wanna go?"