Things That Don't Exist #258: Die-Hard Fans of Huey Lewis & The News!

Back in the day - 1988, to be exact - Huey Lewis and the News were a platinum-selling rock act whose videos were all over MTV, yet most of us have never actually met a Huey Lewis fan, much less known one personally. While waiting for their latest cheesy video to end one day, I turned to my roommate and opined that, despite their popularity on a mass scale, there was no such thing as a die-hard Huey Lewis & The News fan. My soon-to-be-ex-roommate disagreed, going so far as to say that one of his best friends was a die-hard Huey fan. I called bullshit and, seconds later, my roomie was on the phone to said Huey fan.

My first question was "Do they have every Huey Lewis & The News album?"

"Yes." Aw crap, I thought, my theory is shot to hell. Then my roomie, added, "All three of them."

Wait, all three of them? "Yes, Sports, Fore, and Small World"

Um, not to quibble, but, at that time, they actually had five albums to their credit.

Yep, this "die-hard fan" was so maniacal in his adoration of all things Huey that he had no idea the band released two pretty respectable albums, their self-titled 1980 debut and 1982's Picture This, prior to the gazillion-selling Sports album.

What is the basic rule of being a "huge fan" of a band?

a) you know the names of all members of the band,

b) you have seen the band dozens of time in-concert and have the concert ticket stubs, tour shirts, empty beer and nacho containers, and parking validations to prove it, and

c) you own every album the band has released.

d) all of the above

Sorry, in the case of Huey Lewis, or Loverboy, or Bon Jovi, owning three out of five albums excludes you from calling yourself a "huge fan" of the band in question. You're actually what is known as a "fair-weather fan"; someone who became aware of the band when they started getting Top 40 or MTV airplay and who becomes seemingly unaware of the same band once their chart reign ends.

Thing is, there are some bands who inspire "huge fandom" even among their fair-weather fans, like pretty much anyone who went through a "goth phase", dring which time they dyed their hair a weird color, changed their clothing from, ya know, normal to all black, and owned every Cure, Depeche Mode, Smiths and Siouxsie & The Banshees album. Then Nirvana exploded onto the scene and said "goth" traded in their eyeliner and black fingernail polish for flannel and Vans.

Die-hard Huey Lewis & The News fans, by comparison,  were not swayed one way the other by the grunge movement. This can be almost completely attributed to:

a) the fact that die-hard Huey Lewis fans DO NOT EXIST.

Now, I'm not saying Huey isn't a likable guy, but he is the only member of his band at the time (Clover) that Elvis Costello did NOT have play on his My Aim Is True album, just sayin'.

Can you imagine if Huey had played on an Elvis album? Costello's credibility would be ruined. That'd be like, oh I dunno, Klaus Flouride from the Dead Kennedys having to explain being in the same band with Billy Squier once.

In all seriousness, we like Huey and wish him continued success on the nostalgia circuit, which must be pretty good to him because his band has more members these days (nne) than it did back in their '80s heyday (six). Anyone who can enjoy a four-decade career without inspiring any actual level of fanaticism among their fan base mus be doing something "right".

Superior St. Rehearsal Facility

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