I remember the day as if it were yesterday: The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame announced those acts that would be inducted into the hall in April and, surprise, Cheap Trick was on that list. Many lauded the fact that Cheap Trick made it in on their first ballot appearance, but seemed to conveniently forget that they'd been eligible to appear on said ballot since 1999.
Regardless, there was immense joy in Mudville, so to speak, among the many music nerds in my social media peer group because, for once, Cheap Trick was getting the respect that it truly deserved.
What could possibly go wrong, I wondered?
And then yesterday, it was announced that Kid Rock would be inducting the band into the Rock Hall.
My immediate reaction was to wonder if I hadn't just slipped into some sort of Bizarro parallel universe where bloviating billionaire Donald Trump is elected president and musical opportunist Kid Rock is enlisted to induct a band whose tireless work ethic would make even James Brown take notice.
Ha, I love the smell of payola in the morning.
At the very least, it was a Rock Hall that should be so much bigger than Cyrus being swayed by the potential of "free publicity" by somehow jamming their round peg into Miley's square hole. Wait, that didn't come out right. Either way, a disingenuous decision was made for less-than-honorable reasons and we the die-hard rock fans wind up seeing what should be rock music's Smithsonian turned into a faux-rock Papa John's.
Who, by chance did they select to nominate Chicago; Tom Scholz from Boston? I'll give you a few seconds to fully appreciate how fucking genius that was what I did there...No? Okay.
As ridiculous as that may sound, he'd at least be in the same musical universe as the band he was inducting.
And what about the Cars? Upon whom will the RRHOF bestow the honor of inducting the band that created the very template upon which the '80s would be built? Why, Betty White, of course. She's in her eighties, right? Nineties, actually, but close enough for rock & roll, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
All kidding aside, Betty White would make a better choice to induct Cheap Trick than some dim-witted trailer-park Jesus who hoodwinked America as a rapper and then convinced the world that country was really where his heart was at. I'd have liked to have seen him say that to the rap community that was merely a conduit for his all-but-forgotten "rap phase".
Frankly, I don't see how the rap community puts up with all the turncoats in their midst - what with all the gangsta rappers playing cops on TV these days.
I mean, what are the odds that Kid Rock would go country at the exact same time that country goes mainstream and every song sounds like watered-down Bob Seger sung by people who are definitely not Bob Seger. And who should that be grabbing his own "Like A Rock" moment for the same car company, but with a song that, even after a million forced listens, still sounds like a Funny or Die parody.
I just knew the Rock Hall would find someway to fuck this up. This desire to "appeal to the millennials" has got all these old guys who used to have balls making backdoor deals in hopes of keeping the lights on.
How long before we're heading to MegaPlex to see Ben Stiller latest installment in the "Night At The Musuem" franchise where larry Dailey (Stiller) accidentally gets himself locked inside the RRHOF after-hours, only to be besieged by Lou Reed, Bon Scott, and David motherfucking Bowie to help them save the Rock Hall from the corrupt overlords who keep selling off bits of its soul.
None of that removes the fact that for the likes of Miley Cyrus and Kid Rock, inducting an artist with real rock credibility is akin to Leo DiCaprio buying carbon offsets from the lounge of his private jet on his way to an Elon Musk party.
So get ready to see Justin Beiber induct Nine Inch Nails, Rihanna induct Pearl Jam, and Meghan Trainor induct Radiohead.
You just know the guys in Cheap Trick are up-in-arms about this too, but they aren't about to rock the boat they don't want to be kicked out of before they're even in it. In other words, it's up to us to stop this atrocity from taking place. With this in mind, I beg each and every one of you to SIGN THIS PETITION requesting that Kid Rock be prevented from attending the induction ceremony, much less inducting a band such as Cheap Trick.