Our Guide To Surviving Lollapalooza: RHCP, Radiohead, LCD To Headline 25th Anniversary Line-up!

If you're anything like me, and one can only hope that you are, it's not the rising temperatures and flower buds that signal the coming of spring, but, rather, the announcement that Lollapalooza tickets will soon be going on sale.

Unlike past years, Lolla organizers have actually done music fans a solid this time 'round by actually announcing which bands will be headlining the event before tickets went on-sale. That didn't stop tickets to this esteemed Chicago event from selling out anyway, but it's still nice to know what bands you'll be listening to while watching flip-flop guy lose the remainder of his motor skills.

Also unlike past years, Lolla will be adding a fourth day to this year's festival to accommodate the many music acts who expressed interest in paying musical tribute to America's best-known music festival and be a part of its 25th anniversary celebration,

Now, I don't know if you've ever stood outside and watched as people exit the festival after subjecting themselves to three solid days of rain, wind, sun, overpriced funnel cakes, 3,462 bands they've never heard of, and copious amounts of alcohol, but their resemblance to Holocaust survivors is uncanny.

That's why the addition of a fourth day may seem like a great idea on paper that, in the end, serves only to give you one more day to work on that heat stroke!

Am I saying that a fourth day of sun, fun, and music is too much of a good thing?

Yes. Yes, I am. In doing so, I am reminded of the time a friend of mine employed by the event's promoter gave me carte blanche entry to all three days of the festival as well as access to the VIP area, which included a nice spread of food and drinks and allowed me to bypass the ultra-pricey funnel cakes and truck stop nachos available on the fairway.

Buy your tickets now, or, ya know, be prepared to jump a fence and spend the day in Jailapalooza.
Like a good music lover, I spent weeks staring at the line-up card and meticulously plotting out which bands to see at which times on what stages. By my careful calculations, if I adhered to my schedule, I would wind up seeing, at minimum, 106 of my all-time favorite bands over the course of three days.

Sadly, it rained on one of those days and was blisteringly hot and humid the day before, plus not one single performance took place on-time. I finally chucked my best-laid plans in a dumpster and spent the rest of the festival in the VIP area chatting up many of those whose bands had actually succeeded in landing a major rock festival and not giving a fuck if I missed Butch Walker's set on the Mister Bob's Portable Toilets Stage located just beyond the lonely Zoltar Speaks carnival game near the food prep dumpsters.

By the time all was said and done, I was a sweaty, exhausted mess lost in the darkness screaming "For the love of Pete, somebody play a song I recognize!!"

Which brings me to my 5 Random Tips for Surviving Lollapalooza:

1. Bring wet wipes.

2. Don't get too ambitious. Seeing three different bands on three different stages in three hours may seem easy-peasy, but, in practice, it'll quickly remind you of that time in Vegas you tried walking from the Bellagio to Treasure Island.

3. Be prepared to hear every band accompanied by the constant THUMP THUMP THUMP from the EDM tent.

4. Stick a power bar in every available pocket before leaving for the festival each day.

5. Know your limitations. Yes, even you, fair-skinned freckled guy!

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