Word To The Wise: Sing Like Axl And Brian Johnson At Your Own Peril!

According to comedian Jim Breuer, Brian Johnson's recently-revealed hearing loss issues are merely a cover for the band's desire to "kick him to the curb". Now, that's incredibly sad for Johnson, who has enjoyed quite the rock & roll ride, but not for rock fans who have been forced to tolerate Johnson's painful squeal for the past thirty years.

Don't get me wrong, it was actually great to see Johnson featured in Sting's recent musical "The Last Ship", which enabled him to sing in his natural voice, but watching him sing for AC/Dc has reached the point where its more painful for us than it is for him as he attempts to sing songs in that heavily affected shriek made famous on 1980's Back In Black.

Axl Rose, of course, did much the same thing in Guns 'n Roses, giving Appetite For Destruction an urgency and energy that makes it one of the most popular hard rock albums ever released. Sadly, not long after those albums came out, both Rose and Johnson would gradually lose the ability to sing effectively in that same style, making subsequent live performances increasingly brutal for them as well as the audience.

I was talking to a friend about this and, as usually happens, said friend bet me $5 to order my meal in a Brian Johnson voice. So, as the waitress readied her pencil, I let rip with a throat-ripping "I'LL TAKE A BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER AND AN ORDER OF ONION RINGS."

She didn't bat an eye lash and scribbled my order, then asked me what I'd like to drink.

"WHAT SOFT DRINKS DO YOU HAVE?" I shrieked, resulting in a couple odd looks from fellow diners.

She replied that they offer the full line of Coke products.

"LEMME HAVE A COUPLE LINES OF THAT THEN," I sang, holding the last note while my buddy finished his drum roll on the table top.

Five minutes later, she returned with our meals and sat two glasses of Coca-cola in front of me.

"THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" I said, holding my throat, which was now raw.

"IMAGINE SINGING LIKE THIS FOR TWO HOURS EVERY NIGHT FOR THE BETTER PART OF 36 YEARS" I shrieked to my friend, wiping blood from my lip.

My buddy slapped five bucks on the table and offered me double-or-nothing if I could go the rest of the day in Brian-Axl mode.

Half an hour later, there I was at Starbucks standing before the young lady ready to take me order and write my name on a cop.


She asked me what size drink I would like.


With my head throbbing and my throat bleeding, I fell to my knees.

"Um, we only have short, tall, grande and venti", she replied,

"Grande, please, and an ambulance," I croaked before the room, now spinning, went black.

Superior St. Rehearsal Facility

No comments:

Post a Comment