KISS Hires First Female Member, The Axl-Go-Round, And Adrian Belew Gets Sued??

What, you've never seen a woman wear make-up before?\

In a move that we called weeks ago, KISS have announced that longtime drummer Eric Singer has been replaced by a woman. "There is actually a precedent," says blood-spitting bassist Gene Simmons from his secret apartment in Canoga Park (oops!). "When Tommy Lee left Motley Crue, they replaced him with Samantha Maloney. It was their way of paying respects to Tommy for all of his years of service and, at the same time, saying 'but, dude, we replaced you with a chick!"

The woman in question is former Prince drummer Sheila E., who said in a statement. "It is an honor for me to be the first woman to wear the iconic Cat make-up. So the next time you're at a Kiss concert and you find yourself thinking, Damn, Peter Criss has got some nice tits, this time it won't be weird.

Peter Criss declined to comment for this story, saying, "I'd like to comment but I have been instructed by my attorney not to say anything that might cause Gene to flip his wig. Oh shit. See, this is what I get for even checking my petercrissroolz@AOL account. Fucking bloggers!"

Who knew Alan Jackson had a brother?

AXL-GO-ROUND?

With Axl Rose rumored to be fronting AC/DC for the band's remaining ten concerts after the sudden departyure of longtime singer Brian Johnson, rumors are now circulating that The Offspring's Dexter Holland will replace Axl in GNR.

The opening in The Offspring will be filled by Terence Trent D'Arby, who might seem like an odd choice until you hear him sing "Come Out And Play", which the band will be performing each night on the Mallpunkapalooza Across Americoachella Tour with Ugly Kid Joe fronted by Rob Halford from Judas Priest and Ratt led by Mike Ness from Social Distortion.

Asked who will be fronting Social D while he's off singing "Round And Round" all summer, Ness replied, "Brian Johnson, of course."

There's something on my face?

ADRIAN BELEW SUED BY BLUE MAN GROUP?

After hitting the concert trail last autumn with his new power trio Belew Man Group, veteran guitarist Adrian Belew has received a cease and desist order from the Blue Man Group, citing infringement of intellectual property.

When reached for comment, Belew said, "It makes no sense to me as to why they would come after me for using my own last name as part of my band name. I will fight this until I am blue in the face."