No children of band members allowed.
Back in the '90s, my dad was playing drums for a band that opened for The Lovin' Spoonful. One of the members of the Spoonful at the time was the daughter of the band's longtime keyboardist. Nothing says "you're too old for this" than being in a band with your kid.
Sadly, my favorite band Cheap Trick has broken this commandment with the addition of Rick Nielsen's son on drums.
No original members in the band? Must call yourself "Molly Hatchet".
'Tis true, for a time, Molly Hatchet was touring with exactly ZERO original members. While Mick Jones fought some health issues, Foreigner also performed as recently as 2010 with no original members.
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| "This time we'll play it on ukuleles!" |
I'm looking at you, a-Ha, who performed "Take On Me" eight times in one show. Okay, it was only twice, but it felt like eight times.
All tour shirts must have the correct year on them.
I didn't so much go to see Enuff Z'Nuff a few years ago as I happened to be drinking in a bar where EZ was playing. Seeing their merch table nearby, I cruised by to see what was available and found that, of the numerous tour shirts available, none had the current year on them.
Uttering any of these phrases will result in the immediate end of your set:
"Our bass player would like to sing a song now."
"Let me hear you say 'Yeah!'"
"Hello Cleveland!" (But you're not in Cleveland
"We'd like to play a song from our new album."
No members allowed who are less than half the age of the original members.
I saw Blondie recently and was aghast at the number of young hipsters in the band. As much as I love Deb, Chris and Clem, seeing them with a bunch of young studs who weren't even alive when the tide was first high doing the heavy lifting just feels wrong on so many levels, especially when Jimmy Destri, Frank Infante and Nigel Harrison can still play.
No well-known singer from one band can sing for another well-known band. No exceptions!
Ian Astbury of The Cult fronting "The Doors"? Sorry, rejected.
Mike Peters of The Alarm fronting a nostalgia-circuit Big Country? Sorry, rejected.
Bob Geldof fronting INXS? Now, hold the fuck on, that's just crazy enough to work. The soap opera twist so necessary to getting the entirety of Britain salivating is the obvious Michael Hutchence connection (the INXS singer wasn't just living with his ex, Paula Yates, Geldof felt he was raising his kids as well). Part of me thinks the guys in INXS hold little ill will towards Geldof and that Bob still has that angst that Hutchence also had. APPROVED.
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