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| I know what you're thinking, "Who's the dame?" That's Second City alumnus Karla Devito. |
Sure, Hollywood can continue to make a nice little stack of cash by pumping out one new CGI Spidey cartoon every six months OR they could wait a few years and then bring back Tobey Maguire for the Spidey film we've all been waiting for, where the little fucker dies midway, the rest of the cast look dumbfounded, and then, BOOM, roll the credits.
We'd rightly still be talking about that movie ten or twenty years from now, which is more than will be said for Tom Holland's tenure as the least exciting superhero ever.
Sadly, this complete lack of imagination has been brought about by the entertainment industry's complete inability to ever leave money on the table (because "shareholders").
Why give the world something new when you can keep pimping out "Star Wars" and "Sharknado" sequels with equal disregard for consumers,.
"WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MUSIC?!"
Who here remembers Meatloaf?
Back in 1932 (I may be off by a few years, but it sure seems that long ago), a completely unknown singer recorded a little album by the name of Bat Out Of Hell and was suddenly all over the radio with hits like "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad" and "Paradise By Dashboard Light" then spent the rest of the '70s and '80s trying to match that success and failing miserably.
It wasn't that the albums were bad, but it did highlight the fact that Meatloaf now had the same problem as Peter Frampton, whose career-defining Frampton Comes Alive had torched all sales records back in 1929 (again, I may be off by a few years here), turning him from talented journeyman rocker to the "Farrah Fawcett of Rock & Roll" overnight. and then, BOOM, into a pumpkin.
Despite selling tens of millions of copies of those singularly iconic albums, nothing Meat or Pete did from that point on could convince folks to buy their music again.
It wasn't until someone in a position of power at a record label asked, "Why don't we make a sequel?"
Sadly, that executive worked for the once-esteemed alternative rock label I.R.S. Records, who proceeded to release Frampton Comes Alive! II
Of course, the idea was nothing new.
Two years earlier, Meatloaf had released Bat Out Of Hell 2: Back Into Hell, which reunited Mr. Loaf with original Bat Out Of Hell producer/writer/arranger Jim Steinman. Unsurprisingly, this sequel album went on to become the Loaf's first #1 album.
Once The Meat Man had tasted that rare air you can only huff at the top, it only took two more lackluster albums before MeLo made Bat Out of Hell 3: The Monster Is Loose and returning him to the Top 10.
Frankly, I don't understand why some enterprising up & comer doesn't call their next album Bat Out Of Hell 4: Suck On This and watch the world beat a path to their door.
The downside to doing so is that they, too, will become beholden to calling their albums Bat Out Of Hell if they ever want them to sell again, but that's a small price to pay for being able to afford to live in Wicker Park without roommates and sleep 'til noon sans guilt, just like God intended.
While the Killers have yet to make Hot Fuss 2 and Death Cab probably have no Plans 2 make a sequel to their best-selling album, rock stars do funny things when faced with the very real notion of not being able to afford the Malibu beach house any longer.
Thing is you and I both know that it would work because, A) It would give the lazy mainstream media a squirrel to chase when everything else you've thrown at them has fallen on deaf ears, and B) It would work, which means that as soon as Taylor Swift makes 1990, this whole sequel thing will get WAY out of hand, at which point I will nod knowingly to nobody in particular and go back to sleep until noon sans guilt.
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bat out of hell