Monday, October 12, 2020

How Jack White Completely Changed The Narrative of Last Week's SNL Musical Chairs!


First off, it must be said that Morgan Freeman, or whatever that schmuck's name was who somehow landed a coveted slot as musical guest on Saturday Night Live and then lost it after breaking COVID-19 safety protocol in order to shove his tongue down the throats of some off-duty mall teeth whiteners down at Coyote Ugly.

What struck me was how much fucking press Morton Downey Jr. or whatever his name was got from not only being careless, but also fucking up an opportunity thousands of other artists would kill to have fall into their laps. 

Making matters worse was the fact that the likes of "The Today Show" and other major media outlets actually chose to interview Morgan Fairchild or whatever his name was, giving this rhinestone doofus even more free publicity.

Upon first hearing the story, I admit that my first thought was that none of us would ever hear from this Maura Tierney fellow ever again, but once I saw that someone had pulled Lorne Michaels out of storage, it dawned on me what was starting to happen...



Those smarmy motherfuckers at NBC who only care about ratings noticed that this story now had legs and, as a result, their thinking quickly shifted from kicking an unknown country singer to the curb to talk of re-scheduling Morley Safer's musical appearance because, sigh, doing so would practically ensure an entire week of breathless media hype and sky high ratings.

But then a funny thing happened: Michaels, or whoever he'd entrusted at SNL to "fix this" made a grave mistake by recruiting a well-rested Jack White to step in as that week's musical guest. 

Now, I'll be the first to offer that White is a popular and energetic performer of some acclaim (!), but the former White Stripes singer/guitarist is a "legacy act" these days and, despite his continuing influence as an arbiter of cool, we know what we're getting.

The Jack White that hit that SNL stage this past Saturday night, however, was a wild animal freed from its cage after months of captivity.

Within seconds of White tearing at the custom graveyard blue guitar Eddie Van Halen had gifted him, the entire audience was in the palm of his hands and, with each passing second, you could see the narrative of the entire week changing on a dime and by the end of the first performance, Jack White had made every single person in this country forget all about ol' what's-his-name and, for that, we should all be thankful.

After all, how long has it been since we didn't have to turn the channel whenever the latest gaggle of lip-syncers and backing dancers made us question why we continue tuning in to what is often a weekly celebration of craven mediocrity at all.

Will SNL still bring back the bro-country douche who made this all possible? 

Probably, but something tells me that when they do, Morgan Stanley will no longer be the subject of the same breathless, week-long media spectacle without the media also reminding us how Jack White stepped in and showed the folks at home how a professional operates.


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