Kiss & Tell: My Exes React To Seeing MY Record Collection For The First Time!

"What's a gal supposed to think when
she sees THIS on top of a pile of records?!"

Got a few notes from some of my past partners (okay, three) and have woven them into what is meant to read as a single response for clarity and flow. I deleted nothing, but did flesh things out here and there.

Enjoy at my expense. :)

A-B:  First thing I noticed was that your love of the Beatles seems rooted firmly in that post-mop top era, yet nothing after Revolver. But then the whole rest of the B section alienated me. Was I about to be bedded by a jazz-bo? I had no idea.

C: What Cheap Trick albums?! 

Also, every Cars album, bootleg, and radio broadcast EXCEPT Heartbeat City.

D: I had misgivings about dating a Devo fan (for much the same reason I refuse to date anyone who even taps their foot to an Oingo Boingo song). Then we bonded over our intense disinterest in anything Danny Elfman does (or, for that matter, Mothersbaugh's scores). Every time we drove past the neon green Mutato building on Sunset and you'd wave wildly and yell "Hello Mark Mothersbaugh!".

E: Haha, I did notice you had the THE ELVIS BROTHERS records, duh! Also some Eurythmics, which I adored (and later stole from you, thank you very much)...Revenge is still my fave from the moment you played me "Thorn In My Side" at John's (head of the label Darren was signed to back before the internet. Ed.) party. I jog past that place, but the apartment buildings all look alike so I can't tell exactly which one was his place.

F: Based on your hair style, I jokingly called you "A Flock Of Seagulls" when we met and then saw you owned most of their albums. It's odd trying to describe to someone else your like/dislike of the band. 

On the surface, you seem to own all their '80s albums EXCEPT, as you say, "the one with the violins on the cover" yet you absolutely refused to go to any of their shows when it was just Mike and hired guns. That didn't stop you from seeing Mark from the Chameleons or that guy from House of Love.(hope I remember to mention them when we get to H section)

G: Go-Go's! We were both still listening to "Talk Show" when we met, which was two years after it came out. 

H: How many copies of Human League's Dare do you need? (They're all different. Ed.) 

I: Chicago boy always dropping the Insiders into any L.A. conversation about great bands from Chitown and killing the conversation in its tracks (Guilty. Ed.)

J: The only Joan Jett CD you own is Notorious. (In my defense, everything else is on "vinyls" Ed.)

K: Do you remember ordering the Kings Are Here when you found out it was available on CD in Canada so you sent away for a copy and then called me at home the morning it came in the mail and asked me to open it up just to make sure it was real? Then I played it, fell in love with "Switchin To Glide", and basically claimed it as my own? If you're wondering if you lost it or I took it with me, yes.

Also, the only Kiss album you own is the Ace Frehley '78 solo record. Who does that? (I do. Ed.)

L: Ugh, Lords of the New Church. I fucking do not get your fascination with Stiv. I mean, Iggy I get. Next.

M: Ministry. I fucking do not get your fascination with Twitch, I mean, With Sympathy I get. Next.

N: Oh God, Naked Raygun. One day I asked you why you don't own anything else that sounds like Naked Raygun and you said: "Nobody sounds like Naked Raygun." and then we both said "That would make a cool t-shirt!" (I was first though. Ed.)
O: Off Broadway...They're like the Cubs, if you come from Chicago, you either love them or you hate them, but everybody knows them. You really LOVE them.

P: Platinum Blonde (who?), Planet P (who?), Passion Puppets (who?)...You can see how a girl can get worried when the collection starts out nice safe Revolver/Rubber Soul-era Beatles and quickly detours into Adrian Sherwood territory. That was the other thing I could never understand about you: Much of your collection leans on the synthy side, yet you make standard bullshit rock music (haha, but you get me right?). Total disconnect.

Q: Two Queen greatest hits albums, Oh, and the "Jazz" album for the poster.

R: Your "R" section is larger than most record stores, but the Romantics and the Ramones seemed to be your sweet spot. Then your (fave) drummer joined the Romantics, ha! 

S: Did you see the Sparks documentary in the theatre? Yes? Was there anybody else there? No? (There was one person, but they left once they realized it wasn't what they thought it was. Ed.)

T: Tourists (love Annie, but I can see why this band didn't make it), 

U: Ultravox maybe? That guy that sings really high (Which one? Ed.)

V: You were the guy who didn't just own "Turning Japanese", you had both of their albums. And your copy of Magnets was a Norwegian import on cassette.

W: Wall of Voodoo, but only the albums the band made AFTER "Mexican Radio" with the other singer. I can see why they only lasted two albums. The minute a band resorts to covering the Beach Boys, they are officially toast. 

X: No X albums, which I totally understand but most guys adore that band and think Exene is some sort of rock goddess. You did have Billy Zoom work on your amp, though, and I had NO idea why you were being so reverential around him until you told me who he was. So blonde of moi.

Y: No Yes albums. Thank you.

Z: Zombies. Colin melts me, but I had never known who it was singing those tunes all these years. 

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