Read My Lips: No New Rock Songs!

Just a thought...

When's the last time you heard a new song that made you coo "Well hello my darling, where have you been all my life?" without immediately following it with "Hmm, that sounds just like the riff from (insert name of other, much cooler song here)." It's probably been awhile, hasn't it? Admit it.

The simple truth of the matter is that, with only so many notes, and so many words to be sung, we've finally reached a point where everything has already been done, and done better than whatever "new" music is currently being peddled.

Lady Gaga, the most influential and groundbreaking artist of our time? Pfft, she's just peddling a dressed-up redux of Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam with a little Madonna thrown in for good measure.

Kanye West? Remove all the vocoders and you're left with nothing more than a shivering, neurotic mama's boy with a bloated sense of self-importance. Take away his toys and the emporer has no clothes, or auto-tune, and you suddenly find yourself missing real music - like "Oh Sheila" by Ready For The World.

And don't get us started about whatever new album may soon come from the likes of Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, or Bob Dylan. While it may be an okay album, it will never be able to hold a candle to the music that put these cats on the map. So why bother? Seriously. A guy like Springsteen has enough great tunes. Why not just play those songs for the audiences paying $300 for good seats?

What I'm saying is that all the good songs have already been written. Whatever new songs anybody could possibly write now would just be retracing someobody else's footsteps and chances are that they did it better.

That doesn't mean artists can't still make new music...just pick songs that have already been written.

You're no doubt thinking that I am crazy to even suggest such a thing, but, deep down inside, you know I'm right. More importantly, your heart knows I'm right, too. Earlier this month, when I ventured out to see U2 perform in Chicago, I literally saw an entire stadium of people who agreed with me. Every time U2 busted out a new song from their last album, No Line On The Horizon, you either saw people start conversations with total strangers, or head for the nearest restroom and/or concession stand. If people would rather buy a $7.50 cup of flat Coca-Cola than watch you trot out one of your new songs, get the fucking message, Bono.

Of course, if U2 stuck to their old songs, they wouldn't sell as much overpriced junk food, so I guess new songs do indeed serve a purpose. I don't think the members of U2 make new albums so that concessions vendors can sell more corn dogs, though.

Okay, so, we cool? No more new songs?


Seriously, think about it. No more having to feign interest in some singer-songwriter's latest ramblings about the Applebee's waitress that broke their heart last week.

No more having to roll your eyes every time Avril Lavigne starts to blab on and on about what a great songwriter she is. You didn't write jack shit, sister.

Most importantly, overly derivative bands like the Killers, Coldplay, Interpol, and their ilk can just cover the songs they've been ripping off all these years.

That's what we in the bid'ness call a win/win, holmes.

Superior St. Rehearsal Facility

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