Thornless Roses And Why The Blogger Who Accused Lorde's "Royals" Of Being Racist is WRONG!


Dear Veronica,

Two words:  "Thornless roses"

See, when most songwriters sit down to write a song, they take whatever thematic inspiration they may have (for this example, let's go with "rampant consumerism") and try to work it within the confines of a pop song. While, yes, it might have been more informative if Lorde had provided links to relevant articles on the subject that provide the necessary conclusive data to prove her point, have you ever tried including links in a pop song?  Not easy.


Instead, Lorde merely did what many great pop songwriters before her have done and chose to write in the broadest terms possible, so as to reach the most people possible.  "Pop" is short for "popular" after all.  And there is no culture that celebrates consumerism more than hip-hop culture, with its loathsome "riches and bitches" mentality that has now been co-opted by suburban kids, soccer moms, and...Madonna.

To suggest that a then-unknown 15-year-old New Zealand singer hoping to establish herself in the music industry would choose to write a racist pop song that would then be released by the international music division of a huge global media conglomerate, broadcast on commercial radio stations from here to the planet Mars, and heard by millions of people around the world (and Mars) and that you're the first person to catch it is truly one of the funnier things I've heard in a long time.


It's a pop song, after all, not a masters thesis.  See, unike hip-hop or rap music, where the goal is to jam as much braggadocio and misogyny into every line while still leaving the requisite space for a "motherfucker" or two, pop vocals are more melodic and a priority is placed on saying the most in the fewest words possible.

When Brett Michaels wrote "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", everybody else on the planet who heard it knew he was painting a picture we could all relate to in the fewest colors possible.  You, on the other hand, probably jumped to the conclusion that the singer had dedicated himself to years of intensive research and was unequivocally stating for the record that, indeed, EVERY rose did have a thorn.



Naturally, knowing that those projections that run along the stem of a rose aren't actually thorns, but prickles, you begged to differ,  Also, anyone with the least bit of botanical experience knows that thornless roses may not be plenty, but they do exist.

Take the Bleu Magenta, the Chloris, or the Goldfinch, for example.

It was no doubt crystal clear to you that, at its very core, Michaels' research was intensely flawed and not yet worthy of publication.

Therefore, I would kindly suggest that you shift your focus to bugging Bret Michaels and realize once and for all that the aspects of hip-hop culture that you seem to hold so dear no longer belong to you, but to the world.  Kinda like rock & roll, which, as I'm sure you know, was based on the blues, jazz and gospel music - all musical genres that have their origin in the African-American community, but now belong to us all.

Yours truly,

The Shit

Superior St. Rehearsal Facility

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