Most of us have at least one friend or family member who is a complete metal head. By that, I mean that their entire musical universe revolves around metal and only metal. Their tolerance for anything less than two guitars, a gargantuan wall of Marshall stacks, and a drummer who feels naked behind a 5-piece drum set is non-existent. To make matters worse, when its their turn to drive, you just know you're going to be treated to an onslaught of head banging.
That's not to say that all metal is bad, or lacking in merit or value. It just means that man cannot survive on metal alone. Those who try tend to be the sort whose employment prospects are not hindered by the acquisition of a neck tattoo.
Having said that, my buddy the unrelenting metalhead, thought it would be entertaining if he were to compile his list of the ten best metal bands and have me review them.
In exchange for agreeing to his "challenge", of course, he agreed to turn the volume down just a wee bit the next time its his turn to drive, at least until my ears stop bleeding.
Black Sabbath
When I was a teenager, there was a freaky neighbor kid who always brought his Black Sabbath albums to school. Why he did so always perplexed me because it wasn't like he had a record player in his backpack. When the house of a family friend was broken into and trashed, with truly heinous satanic phrases scrawled on the walls with ketchup, paint and whatever else the culprit could find, my friends and I were left stunned. Days later, when it was discovered that the kid with the Black Sabbath records had been behind it all, we weren't th least bit surprised. To this day, I am astounded by the level of rage and hatred that this kid unleashed upon those people and their property.
I cannot listen to Black Sabbath without thinking of that incident. There is something truly dark about Black Sabbath that belies the music, the lyrics, and even the performance; it is as if the band somehow tapped into a part of the human psyche reserved for our sickest, most depraved instincts.
Having said that, Master of Reality is as much a pop album as anything released by ABBA or the Carpenters, who I don't really listen to that much, either, though I can at least recognize and appreciate the sophistication of the arrangements and studio techniques employed to achieve an admirable artistic vision.
Deep Purple
What is it with heavy metal bands and their inability to get along with their singers? I ask only because Deep Purple seem to be a band stunted by their continual inability to keep a singer long enough to carve out a proper identity. As a result, they tend to be rather faceless, which is too bad because it would have been nice to see where the Gillan-led version of this band would have gone after Machine Head and Who Do We Think We Are.
Now for the real question: Is Deep Purple really heavy metal?
Sadly, this writer must go with "yes" simply because there is no other classification that the band really falls into, which is both a compliment to their thunderous sound and a bit of an insult because, if you really listen beyond "Smoke On The Water" - easily one of the best metal songs of all time - you'll hear some wickedly inspired flourishes of jazz and soul that are just too damn tasty to be metal.
Judas Priest
Okay, now we're talking. While not a fan of their entire career, just like many great bands who had a stunning three-album run, Priest is no different: their blazing trifecta British Steel, Point Of Entry, and Screaming For Vengeance just might give Sabbath a run for their money as one of the greatest three-album runs in all of heavy metal.
Thing is, beneath the spikes and leather beats the heart of a pop band and I do not say this disparagingly. In fact, I've long argued that just about any pop star could make a killing covering Priest during this era. One need only listen to "Living After Midnight" or the band's breakthrough radio hit "You've Got Another Thing Comin' to begin to understand just how accessible those songs are. Our personal favorite, "United" (from British Steel) could even work as a killer theme song for a certain airline, were they to be made aware of its existence.
Iron Maiden
Much as we may adore Bruce Dickinson as the affable jumbo jet-flying metal singer, he single-handedly ruined Maiden for us with his operatic caterwauling. Prior to his arrival, Maiden had been a spunky, punky fivesome whose metal sensibilities some drifted into punk territory.
Dig into tracks like "Running Free" or "Murder in the Rue Morgue" to hear a quite different band; one that embraces melody and groove over "how many notes can our fifteen guitarists play in unison". In other words, when Dickinson joined, the band's expert command of space and restraint went right out the window, never to return.
Sepultura
It's hard to get past the "cookie monster" vocals of Max Cavalera, but once you get used to them, the band's music is pretty adventurous, even cinematic in its varied color palette and ambitious scope. Even so, after awhile, you start to think about listening to Sam Kinison instead.
At least you could understand what he was saying.
Keep in mind, this is coming from an outsider, but if you're looking for that one album that captures the trademark vocal growl and intricate twin-guitar riffage that has become almost a tongue-in-cheek caricature of heavy metal at its most easily-ridiculed, one need only listen to the band's Roots album, which was undoubtedly pretty earth-shaking when it came out in 1996, but has been imitated to the point of parody.
In one sense, you can't deny the band was influential, but you also can't deny that they lowered the bar a bit by showing legions of metal bands that you no longer had to find a singer who could hit those high notes as long as they could growl like a puppet with its mouth full of chocolate chip COOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!! ME WANT COOOOOOKIES!!!!
Anthrax
Ugh, perhaps no other band was harder to look at than these dipshits, which wouldn't have been a big deal if they weren't all over MTV at the time. Come to think of it, I'd go so far as to say that MTV's continual dedication to giving this band so much airtime was instrumental in leading us to grab the remote and see if maybe there wasn't a hemorrhoid commercial we could watch instead.
As for their embrace of rap music, leave it to Anthrax to take two vaguely tolerable genres and turn them into one steaming pile of MEH-tal.
I'd rather listen to Ugly Kid Joe.
Motorhead
We all love Lemmy, but, for crying out loud, talk about a band making the same album over and over. Motorhead proved that you could put Lemmy in a room with any two musicians and come out with an album that sounded just like the last one.
Sure, there were some sonic differences depending on the producer, but, by and large, if you've heard one Motorhead album, you've heard them all. Having said that, it can be quite entertaining to chart the band's workmanlike dedication to perfecting that formula - even after succeeding on only their fourth try, 1980's Ace Of Spades.
Much like early Maiden, there is a Ramones-like punk spirit that runs through their best work - hell, the band even covered "R.A.M.O.N.E.S.". That Lemmy & Co. considered the Ramones kindred spirits went far in making them the band that succeeded more than any other in blurring the line between punk and metal once and for all.
Slayer
If you ever wanna piss off the neighbors, one need only crank up this band's seminal 1986 effort, Reign In Blood. The relentless riffage and machine-gun double-kick will have plaster and drywall flying in no time.
Beyond that, my simple pop-rock upbringing and hard-coded melodic requirements prevent me from being able to tell one song from the other. Hell, a couple of the songs I'd heard before I would have swore were recorded by Metallica.
Megadeth
Speaking of Metallica, it's easy to see why they kicked Mustaine out of the band. His relentless dedication to his own musical and thematic sensibilities doesn't leave a whole lot of room for the input of others.
Having said, based on the absolute consistency of the recorded output over the course of thirty two years, we'd have it no other way. If we'd been raised on metal, one can't help but think Megadeth would be one of our musical cornerstones.
Amazingly, here in the U.S., the band has eleven, yes, eleven Top 20 albums. Even so, they've achieved such success without any attempts to cater to the mainstream whatsoever, which is a lot more than can be said for Metallica.
Korn
Jesus, make it stop. Please. It's impossible for my ears to comprehend that the same guy who fought so hard on behalf of Chicago pop trio Material Issue, helping them get signed to Mercury and release three albums that fail to find the mass audience the band deserved, would not only see any redeeming qualities in a band like Korn, but succeed beyond anyone's expectations in establishing that band as multi-platinum gods of the nu-metal movement.
The less said about this crap the better.
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metally handicapped